The Curious Case of Hinklemyn Butken (Port 88 - 72 North)
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Ken Hinkley has said that our victory against North
was a “significant performance.”
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the main sense for significant is “having meaning.” Among
the synonyms for significant are “meaningful”
and “revealing.” Then, considering Kenny’s own statement, what could our performance
have meant or, even better, have revealed?
In many ways, our game
against North last Friday was a bastard sibling of our win over the Eagles. In
both games, we have started dominant from start up to the beginning of Q3; they
reacted; we stopped them; they came harder again up to the end, but the victory
margin only went down because we couldn’t kick goals. The main difference is
that we were worse this week than the previous one – and that is why we are all
feeling bad after a win. However, could there be more on this game than what meets the eye?
For instance, if last game had happened backwards, we all would be feeling way better; despite the final score would remain the same. You don’t believe me, do you? Well, I love this joke, inspired by Scott Fitzgerald’s short story The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
“In my next life, I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way; then, you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and, then, when you start working, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous; then, you are ready for high school. You, then, go to primary school; you become a kid; you play. You have no responsibilities. You become a baby, until you are born; and, then, you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap; larger quarters every day. And, then, voilà!, you finish off as an orgasm!”
For instance, if last game had happened backwards, we all would be feeling way better; despite the final score would remain the same. You don’t believe me, do you? Well, I love this joke, inspired by Scott Fitzgerald’s short story The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
“In my next life, I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way; then, you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and, then, when you start working, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous; then, you are ready for high school. You, then, go to primary school; you become a kid; you play. You have no responsibilities. You become a baby, until you are born; and, then, you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap; larger quarters every day. And, then, voilà!, you finish off as an orgasm!”
When my first son was born, I immediately wanted to tell
to my parents how sorry I was for everything and that I had finally understood
them. Wouldn’t be better if we were parents before being sons? After all, parenting
would be much easier if only kids would cooperate. Besides, kids already teach
us how to be parents, anyway; at least, they would be aware of that, instead of
expecting us to know everything. “It is
ok, dad. I have been through this before. It is not easy.” Oh, if only…
Ok. I digress. Let me tell you the story of how the game would have unfolded backwards, before us getting into conclusions.
Ok. I digress. Let me tell you the story of how the game would have unfolded backwards, before us getting into conclusions.
Pre-Game
Welcome, everyone, to this great evening at Adelaide Oval! It is a special Friday Night Football, AFL’s ANZAC round, when we remember all of those fellow countrymen who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our community – many footballers among them; lest we forget. Tonight, the North Kangaroos visit Port Adelaide trying to rebound from a tough beginning of the season, while the hosts want to keep their momentum after a dominant win over the reining premiers in Perth.
Q1
The game is under way, and Port imposes itself immediately. Power players are still under the effect of Never Tears Us Apart and want to reciprocate the support from the stands. Desperate from the get go, North Melbourne tries to get the ball and push forward, but the Power is simply better. Duursma scores a behind, then Sam Gray also gets a minor score. [Port +2]
The stadium roars despite the lack of goals. However, Port would soon regret such a lack of accuracy, because its defense doesn’t seem to have settled in the game yet. The Kangaroos manage to finally win on the midfield and, handling the ball with ease in their F50, they score two goals in a row: first with Hall, then through Larkey. [North +10]
The game is under way, and Port imposes itself immediately. Power players are still under the effect of Never Tears Us Apart and want to reciprocate the support from the stands. Desperate from the get go, North Melbourne tries to get the ball and push forward, but the Power is simply better. Duursma scores a behind, then Sam Gray also gets a minor score. [Port +2]
The stadium roars despite the lack of goals. However, Port would soon regret such a lack of accuracy, because its defense doesn’t seem to have settled in the game yet. The Kangaroos manage to finally win on the midfield and, handling the ball with ease in their F50, they score two goals in a row: first with Hall, then through Larkey. [North +10]
The stands fall flat. They all have seem this movie
before. On the field, Port tries to overcome its mistakes. Rozee keeps getting
open, but his kick let him down. Twice, he scores behind. Port has scored two
times more than North, but is losing. [North +8]
To make things worse, Larkey, a third-gamer who hadn’t played since 2017 and had never scored a goal in the AFL, decided he would be this week’s Petruccelle against Port. He kicks his second goal of the game midway Q1. [North +14]
The uneasiness from the local supporters only grows when another behind, this time from Powell-Pepper, is followed by two unanswered goals by North – by Ziebell, then Turner. Port and North have scored equally, but North has all the goals, while Port has all the behinds! [North +25]
To make things worse, Larkey, a third-gamer who hadn’t played since 2017 and had never scored a goal in the AFL, decided he would be this week’s Petruccelle against Port. He kicks his second goal of the game midway Q1. [North +14]
The uneasiness from the local supporters only grows when another behind, this time from Powell-Pepper, is followed by two unanswered goals by North – by Ziebell, then Turner. Port and North have scored equally, but North has all the goals, while Port has all the behinds! [North +25]
Things don’t seem to change when Ebert scores Port’s
sixth consecutive behind of the game, two-thirds of Q1 have already been
played. The crowd is stupefied. Many are holding themselves not to invade the
coach box and break everything and everyone inside. However, Port’s superiority
on the field is reestablished, and, with it, the first goal comes out of Sam
Gray’s boot. [North +18]
North locks its defense, and the game stalls for some minutes, before Ryder breaks the deadlock with, guess what?!, another minor – Port’s seventh for the night. A couple of minutes later, however, Lycett pulls a miracle from the boundary and scores a goal. The stadium erupts in joy feeling that the momentum has finally shifted. The final four scores of the quarter were all Port’s, and, after scoring six behinds in a row, Port had ended Q1 kicking 2.1. At QT, the score was Port 2.7:19; North 5.0:30. [North +11]
Q2
The worst seemed to have been put behind [pun intended], even though Westhoff begins Q2 scoring another point for Port. Not much time later, Ebert scores his first goal. Q2 had only started, and North lead had been cut for fewer than a goal. The sound coming from the outside the field is deafening: “POOOOOOOWEEEEER!!!!” [North +4]
The comeback is just a matter of time, or so everyone at the Oval thinks; everyone, but Hall, I mean. He kicks his second goal against the flow of the game, shifting the momentum in favor of North. Zurhaar then Brown kick for behinds bringing the Roos’ lead back to two goals. [North +12]
Port manages to hold the momentum for a while. Then, Drew wins a contest on the square, hands the ball to Butters, who dodges a tackle and kicks deep into F50. The kick is short, but it doesn’t matter. Rozee flies high to mark the ball before scoring his first goal of the night. [North +6]
North locks its defense, and the game stalls for some minutes, before Ryder breaks the deadlock with, guess what?!, another minor – Port’s seventh for the night. A couple of minutes later, however, Lycett pulls a miracle from the boundary and scores a goal. The stadium erupts in joy feeling that the momentum has finally shifted. The final four scores of the quarter were all Port’s, and, after scoring six behinds in a row, Port had ended Q1 kicking 2.1. At QT, the score was Port 2.7:19; North 5.0:30. [North +11]
Q2
The worst seemed to have been put behind [pun intended], even though Westhoff begins Q2 scoring another point for Port. Not much time later, Ebert scores his first goal. Q2 had only started, and North lead had been cut for fewer than a goal. The sound coming from the outside the field is deafening: “POOOOOOOWEEEEER!!!!” [North +4]
The comeback is just a matter of time, or so everyone at the Oval thinks; everyone, but Hall, I mean. He kicks his second goal against the flow of the game, shifting the momentum in favor of North. Zurhaar then Brown kick for behinds bringing the Roos’ lead back to two goals. [North +12]
Port manages to hold the momentum for a while. Then, Drew wins a contest on the square, hands the ball to Butters, who dodges a tackle and kicks deep into F50. The kick is short, but it doesn’t matter. Rozee flies high to mark the ball before scoring his first goal of the night. [North +6]
It is time for North to stop Port who wanted to build
up from that kick. Q2 is halfway through, and the game becomes a contested
battle, with North holding its close lead. Then, Rozee surrounded by Kangaroos
in our F50 finds an open Boak 30m in front of the goal. Well, there is no such
a thing as a former captain. A captain goal erases North lead. The Oval
EXPLODES! Port is ready to take the reins of the game. The score is Port 5.8:
38; North 6.2:38. [even]
The stadium PULSES alive, pushing the host team forward. Port advances in waves, relentlessly, but North’s defense steps up and holds its fort steady. There are eight minutes of what looked like an offense v. defense practice, but the scoreboard remains unchanged. [even]
“Quem não faz, leva” is an old Brazilian saying. It means “those who don’t score, they get scored.” It works for soccer; it works for footy. In three minutes, North scores three times: Wood (goal); Larkey (goal, his third!); and a rushed behind. On the stands, people stare the field in disbelief. All the effort was wasted. Port reacts, true enough, but keeps hitting an impenetrable wall. The hard work was good enough for a rushed behind before the siren announcing the halftime break. [North +12]
At the main break, the crowd is furious. The score is Port 5.9:39; North 8.3:51. The team is overplaying its opponent, but not as much as people wanted to. Port also looks unable to pass North’s blockade – and when it manages to do it, it is rewarded mostly with behinds. Worse still, North seems to score with ease whenever it manages to get into its F50. Three more scoring shots; down by 12. So Port… So Hinkley! Unbelievable, and yet, everybody saw it coming. Will it ever change?
Q3
The stadium PULSES alive, pushing the host team forward. Port advances in waves, relentlessly, but North’s defense steps up and holds its fort steady. There are eight minutes of what looked like an offense v. defense practice, but the scoreboard remains unchanged. [even]
“Quem não faz, leva” is an old Brazilian saying. It means “those who don’t score, they get scored.” It works for soccer; it works for footy. In three minutes, North scores three times: Wood (goal); Larkey (goal, his third!); and a rushed behind. On the stands, people stare the field in disbelief. All the effort was wasted. Port reacts, true enough, but keeps hitting an impenetrable wall. The hard work was good enough for a rushed behind before the siren announcing the halftime break. [North +12]
At the main break, the crowd is furious. The score is Port 5.9:39; North 8.3:51. The team is overplaying its opponent, but not as much as people wanted to. Port also looks unable to pass North’s blockade – and when it manages to do it, it is rewarded mostly with behinds. Worse still, North seems to score with ease whenever it manages to get into its F50. Three more scoring shots; down by 12. So Port… So Hinkley! Unbelievable, and yet, everybody saw it coming. Will it ever change?
Q3
Second term begins, and soon Westhoff marks the ball
as if it were uncontested and kicks a goal to put Port only one score down. The
supporters forget everything and sing as loud as they can. [North +6]
North feels the strike, and Port imposes itself once again. Now, however, their defense leaks. First, it is Powell-Pepper, then Hoff, then Boak, and then Ebert. In six minutes, Port scores four times in a row. Four behinds. The crowd is absolutely stunned. Only Port has scored, but the home team is still trailing. [North +2]
Then, Westhoff kicks to three North defenders. Inexplicably, the ball is caught by Marshall who hands it to Sammy. GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!! Port leads! Port has taken the lead! [Port +4]
Soon after, Ebert kicks another behind – his third. It is Port’s fifth behind in this quarter alone. The score is Port 7.14:56; North 8.3:51. Port has 10 more scores than North, but has scored fewer goals. Still, this quarter has seen only one team playing, and this team is now finally leading. [Port +5]
Then, Port’s defense gets into stand-by mode, Ziebell finds the ball and scores. It is a goal. It is North only kick of the frame, and it is a major. Far away, in Brazil, GremioPower can only think that “quem não faz, leva.” So true… The siren brings the 3QT break, and Port is once again trailing. The barrackers cannot stand the idea of another close game, which would most probably be another close loss. [North +1]
North feels the strike, and Port imposes itself once again. Now, however, their defense leaks. First, it is Powell-Pepper, then Hoff, then Boak, and then Ebert. In six minutes, Port scores four times in a row. Four behinds. The crowd is absolutely stunned. Only Port has scored, but the home team is still trailing. [North +2]
Then, Westhoff kicks to three North defenders. Inexplicably, the ball is caught by Marshall who hands it to Sammy. GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!! Port leads! Port has taken the lead! [Port +4]
Soon after, Ebert kicks another behind – his third. It is Port’s fifth behind in this quarter alone. The score is Port 7.14:56; North 8.3:51. Port has 10 more scores than North, but has scored fewer goals. Still, this quarter has seen only one team playing, and this team is now finally leading. [Port +5]
Then, Port’s defense gets into stand-by mode, Ziebell finds the ball and scores. It is a goal. It is North only kick of the frame, and it is a major. Far away, in Brazil, GremioPower can only think that “quem não faz, leva.” So true… The siren brings the 3QT break, and Port is once again trailing. The barrackers cannot stand the idea of another close game, which would most probably be another close loss. [North +1]
Q4
The last quarter begins, and Port brings its “factor-X;” X of Xavier. Duursma doesn’t lose time to put Port back in front. Sammy scores another goal right after, the second time that Port scores two consecutive goals in the game. The stadium now TREMBLES! The scoreboard reads Port 9.14:68; North 9.3:57. [Port +11 (behinds)]
The last quarter begins, and Port brings its “factor-X;” X of Xavier. Duursma doesn’t lose time to put Port back in front. Sammy scores another goal right after, the second time that Port scores two consecutive goals in the game. The stadium now TREMBLES! The scoreboard reads Port 9.14:68; North 9.3:57. [Port +11 (behinds)]
There was something missing. Well, it is not missing
anymore. Polec kicks a goal out of his ass to cut Port’s lead. The crowd BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS
as if there were no tomorrow. No one knows who they are booing, if Polec, Hinkley,
Chris Davies, themselves for being there witnessing such a horror show. [Port
+5]
Sam Gray behinds. Hall and Dumont reply with behinds of their own. Halfway last quarter, and the scoreboard reads Port 9.15:69; 10.5:65. One would be able to hear a needle falling on the ground, but nobody moves on the stands. [Port +4]
Ebert scores a goal to give Port some breathing room, but that is soon erased by Zurhaar. The game is going into its final minutes and Port’s lead is fewer than a goal. Then, SPP showers the ball towards the goal square. Ryder leaves the pack with the ball, no mark is paid, but he was expecting it to be paid anyway. He gets near the boundary line and kicks for a goal. Unbelievable! The crowd goes bunkers! [Port +10]
North players are exhausted, but they still fight. Thomas kicks a behind. However, Sam Gray kicks a goal from a very tight angle to seal the game. There is time for Lienert to score the final behind of the night. The final siren sounds. The scoreboard is Port 12.16:88; North 11.6:72 [Port +16]
Post-Game
Sam Gray behinds. Hall and Dumont reply with behinds of their own. Halfway last quarter, and the scoreboard reads Port 9.15:69; 10.5:65. One would be able to hear a needle falling on the ground, but nobody moves on the stands. [Port +4]
Ebert scores a goal to give Port some breathing room, but that is soon erased by Zurhaar. The game is going into its final minutes and Port’s lead is fewer than a goal. Then, SPP showers the ball towards the goal square. Ryder leaves the pack with the ball, no mark is paid, but he was expecting it to be paid anyway. He gets near the boundary line and kicks for a goal. Unbelievable! The crowd goes bunkers! [Port +10]
North players are exhausted, but they still fight. Thomas kicks a behind. However, Sam Gray kicks a goal from a very tight angle to seal the game. There is time for Lienert to score the final behind of the night. The final siren sounds. The scoreboard is Port 12.16:88; North 11.6:72 [Port +16]
Post-Game
From a reversed angle, we would have let North take an
important lead; reacted, making it a close game; fought through a period of
balance; then, we would have taken the game away from them for good. So,
looking backwards, Port’s victory wouldn’t resemble a poorer version of our win
over West Coast. The game would have looked like our wins over Melbourne and Carlton,
instead! Reassuring, fun, but somewhat underwhelming.
It would still be significant, too; simply revealing something else. Now, the whole point of the Curious Case… and the joke (even my own anecdote on parenthood) brought up at the beginning is to show that regardless of the perspective, from beginning to end or from end to beginning, our lives still look remarkably similar.
It would still be significant, too; simply revealing something else. Now, the whole point of the Curious Case… and the joke (even my own anecdote on parenthood) brought up at the beginning is to show that regardless of the perspective, from beginning to end or from end to beginning, our lives still look remarkably similar.
So far, regardless of opponent, venue, weather, or chronological
order, every Port win this season seems to share such a feature. Melbourne,
Carlton, West Coast, North Melbourne, they were all equivalent.
Regardless of the perspective, regardless of changes, at Alberton ultimately everything looks remarkably similar. It is The Curious Case of Hinklemyn Butken.
Regardless of the perspective, regardless of changes, at Alberton ultimately everything looks remarkably similar. It is The Curious Case of Hinklemyn Butken.
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